skinflint
Very Valuable Member
Joined : 13 Oct 2006
Posts : 1877
Localisation : Queensland, Australia
|  Subject: A wee bit o' irish humour for St. Patrick's Day :)  Sun 16 Mar 2008, 7:32 pm | |
| How do you sink an Irish submarine?
Knock on the hatch.
Did you hear about the Irishman who was tap dancing?
He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
How can you identify an Irish pirate?
He's the one with patches over both eyes.
What's Irish and sits outside in the summertime?
Paddy O'Furniture!
Did you hear about the irish sea scouts?
Their tent sank.
How can you identify an irish helicopter?
It has ejection seats.
Did you hear about this guy who was 1/2 irish, 1/2 scottish?
He wanted a drink but he couldn't bring himself to buy one.
How do you recognise an Irishman on an oil rig?
He's the one throwing crusts of bread to the helicopters...
Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
'Cos they're always a little short.
Did you hear about the worst ever Irish aviation disaster?
A light aircraft crashed in a graveyard. So far the Gardai have recovered approximately 800 bodies.
Two Irishmen saw the sign 'Tree fellers wanted'. The first Irishman said 'If Pat had been with us we'd have got that job'.
'She's a horrible woman,' said Murphy about his mother-in-law. 'She makes her own yoghurt. She puts a pint of milk on the table and stares at it!'
Dreadful News:
It's been reported in the news that an Irish family froze to death outside a Dublin Cinema.
They had been queueing for 3 weeks to see the film "Closed for the Winter"
To prevent the spread of Bird Flu the Irish government today announced an immediate ban on all Hen Parties.
A LETTER FROM AN IRISH MOTHER
Dear Son,
Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this slowly because I know you can't read fast. You wont know the house when you get home, 'cos we've moved.
Your Father has a lovely new job with 700 men under him - he cuts grass at the cemetery. There was a washing machine at the new house, but it's not working too good. Last week I put in 12 shirts, pulled the chain and I haven't seen them since.
Your sister, Colleen had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out if it's a boy or girl, so I don't know if you're an uncle or aunt.
Your Uncle Mick drowned last week in a vat of Whisky at the Dublin Distillery. His mates tried to save him, but he fought them off bravely. He was cremated and it took four days to put the fire out.
I saw the doctor last week and your Father went with me. Doc put a glass tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for five minuets. Your Father wanted to buy it from him. It only rained twice this week, first for four days the second for three days.
We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the final payment on your Grandmother's grave wasn't paid in seven days - up she comes.
Your loving Mother XXXX
P.S. I was going to send you 10 Punts, but I'd already sealed the envelope.
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~ By sowing frugality we reap liberty, a golden harvest. --Agesilaus ~ |
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gayla50
Moderator
 
Age : 53
Joined : 12 Oct 2006
Posts : 3495
Localisation : Western North Carolina
| | Subject: Re: A wee bit o' irish humour for St. Patrick's Day :) Fri 21 Mar 2008, 8:59 pm | |
| Skin , sorry I missed these they are wonderful .
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Gayla
"They take great pride in making their dinner cost much; I take my pride in making my dinner cost so little."
---Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862) |
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Donna
Very Valuable Member
 
Age : 46
Joined : 12 Oct 2006
Posts : 1352
| | Subject: Re: A wee bit o' irish humour for St. Patrick's Day :) Fri 21 Mar 2008, 9:29 pm | |
|  Love the letter,,,too funny! |
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GentleRain
Very Valuable Member
Age : 44
Joined : 12 Oct 2006
Posts : 685
| | Subject: Re: A wee bit o' irish humour for St. Patrick's Day :) Fri 21 Mar 2008, 9:35 pm | |
| Really funny!!!! 
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