Christmas cake recipe:

1-cup water
1-tsp. baking soda
1-cup sugar
1-tsp. salt
1-cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
Mixed nuts
1 bottle whisky
2-cups dried fruit

Sample the whisky to check quality.

Take a large bowl, check the whisky again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer.

Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point its best to make sure the whisky is still OK. Try another cup...just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the fruit up off the floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.

Check the whisky.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain the nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or something. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window.

Finish the whisky and wipe counter with the cat.

Go to bed.